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I have kleptomania,
But when it gets bad, I take something for it. |
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FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church. |
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Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
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Heaven is Where:
The Police are British, The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are French and It's all organized by the Swiss.
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Hell is Where:
The Police are German, The Chefs are British, The Mechanics are French, The Lovers are Swiss and It's all organized by the Italians. |
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Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
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My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be. |
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Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years. |
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In just two days from now,
Tomorrow will be yesterday. |
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A bartender is just a pharmacist
With a limited inventory |
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I may be schizophrenic,
But at least I have each other. |
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I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect. |
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KENTUCKY:
Five million people, Fifteen last names. |
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Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
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I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food. |
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When you work here,
You can name your own salary. I named mine, "Fred". |
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Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch. |
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Reality is only an illusion
That occurs due to a lack of alcohol. |
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I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes. |
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Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you. |
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I am having an out-of-money experience.
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Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things. |
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Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
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I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. |
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Thanks!
James
